why are blonde jokes so short?
so men can remember them
this took an unexpected turn
Not if you just asked for directions.
But as soon as I want a snack:
HERE IS A DUET BETWEEN A SHOWSTOPPING COCKATIEL AND THEIR ACCOMPANIST HUMAN ON PIANO
BRINGING YOU A SELECTION FROM THAT FEEL-GOOD FAVORITE “MY NEIGHBOR TOTORO”
People who act like birds aren’t amazing confuse me.
ALRIGHT IM GONNA CRY FROM CUTE
Oh my god this is the cutest thing i’ve seen all week!
Look at these amazing doll repaints by Noel Cruz, look at them!
get the fuck outta here
put it outside
My good friend Kristen wrote this originally as “What My Daughter is Learning.” I believe it should inspire every parent, child, and human being to learn the same.
Being kind includes setting healthy boundaries.
Being kind means not using other people and not letting other people use you.
And God said unto Abraham, “Abraham.”
And Abraham replied, “What.”
God said to John, “Come forth and receive eternal life.” But John came fifth and won a toaster.
And Judas approached the rabbis and Pharisees saying, “The one whom I kiss is the one you seek.”
To which they responded, “Gay.”
And thus, god made Eve. And she was bammin’ slammin’ bootylicious.
see you all in hell